err, waiter? there's a fly in my soup...

...and then some. Left Phnom Penh (no I don't know how to pronounce it either) to go to a place called Battambang, was initially disappointed when I realised that this wasn't Battemberg of cake fame, but soon got over that when I discovered a nice cafe selling lots of other much nicer cakes. However this soon faded into utter disgust as I decided to go for an adventure and find somewhere 'local' to eat, oh dear. Much gesturing and pointing ensued and out came a nice noodle dish, yummy yum, but hang on what's that? and that? IT WAS CRAWLING WITH INSECTS. Initially I thought this was some kind of mistake, until I realised that they had been fried: they were there on purpose! Guys I really tried to eat it. Each bite was washed down with a hefty gulp from the enormous jug of beer I accidently ordered. I had a good few mouthfulls until I realised that the food to beer ratio was heftily weighted towards me being very drunk. I did eat about half of it but had to stop when I looked at the chopsticks and there was loads of insect wings stuck on them. Eeeeeeeuuuuww. I stumbled home and heartily brushed my teeth never to think of it again, until now.

Eating crises aside, went on a tour of the local area for the day with some dude called Bom (or similar) who took me along lots of muddy tracks that are actually main roads. Saw lots of rice paddies, learnt how much rice costs and that if you hand plant it rather than some other way of planting it you get 4 times as much rice (my rice education continues, I might even be able to cook it one day). Went up a hill to one of those lovely Khmer Rouge type places where Bom's family was killed and on the way down I saw a funky lizard who we called Ernie - see how I'm helping Cambodian's recover from their cruel past. On way back got very splashed by big muddy puddle as road had disappeared (pic), washed most of the mud off in a rice paddy which in all honesty left me just as muddy, but now probably have a happy combination of rice fly diseases. Unfortunately on my way out to dinner (went to a restuarant stuffed with tourists so felt pretty safe) I misjudged the dark patch next to the pavement and was up to me knees in mud again.

Time for a bit of ancient history now folks. The temples of Angkor, the remains of the great civilisation of South East Asia. Thousands of years old. Yada yada yada. Spent a day looking around all these old temples and stuff, Angkor Wat is apparently the largest religious building in the world though I think they cheated on this, look - it's tiny, ha ha haaaaaaa! Played Tomb Raider in Ta Phrom which is where parts of the film was, erm, filmed, if you look real close at the picture below you might be able to find one of the keys or whatever it is that Lara Croft was always looking for. Got a bit embarassing though as I was messing around and got caught by a huge tour group who snuck up behind me and the leader pointed out a sign saying 'DANGER DANGER' as I scrambled and posed all over the ruins, whoops. Climbed a big hill to watch the sunset over Angkor, like everyone else I know who also did this, it was cloudy and a little rainy. And that was that for Cambodia, almost. Journey to Bangkok naturally took about 12 times longer than it's meant to owing to bumpy road, tiny (read collapsing) bridges and lots of dust (got off the bus and was orange with all the dirt - realised however that this is essential make-up for a chav night out in any town near you).

Enough of that, I'm going to the beach.

wat's that?

Yes yes, I know 'what' isn't spelt like that, but 'Wat' is. Chiang Mai: here a Wat, there a Wat, everywhere a Wat Wat. Hired out a cycle yesterday and went wonder-about, there's a big temple on top of a hill where an elephant left it (apparently many many years ago an elephant was carrying whole temple on its back, decided to walk all way up hill only to die on spot leaving temple behind, as you do) that I thought would make a nice bike ride. Lasted for about 5 minutes (exaggeration) until realised getting a lift to the top with some dudes from New Yoirrrrrk with fun New Yoirrrk accents (don't know how to express them in writing) and just zippy zip zipping back down would be much more fun (it was). Got lost on way back to guesthouse, accidently stumbled upon some more Wats and monks being monkey-ish (is that what you call the work of a monk I don't know). Found another 12 million Wats. Cycled round and round and round (swear these streets keep on moving) and eventually made it back to my guesthouse only to be attacked by a giant butterfly (scary). Foolishly went out on bike again for dinner, got lost, again. Found another Wat, or 5. Seems not a lot else to do in Chiang Mai other than getting lost and finding Wats. What's a Wat I hear you ask, erm, temple type thing where the more gold the better I think (see picture above).

Actually that was a big lie, there is something else to do in Chiang Mai as did a Thai cookery course today which was quite fun, am well and truly stuffed with food. Bought all the ingredients from market (see piccie: oi piggy - you lookin' at me?!) in the morning and spent afternoon pounding and chopping and pounding some more; apparently with a little more work I will make 'good Thai wife' (not sure I actually want to be good Thai wife, but that's by-the-by). Thinking of learning how to be a mahout (elephant trainer) tomorrow because I know that's the kind of skill employers are looking for on a CV, hope I don't get trampled on.

Oh, and the geographically challenged amongst you may find help in knowing where I am by looking right (or is it left, erm) and following the link "is Baghdad near Iraq" (ex-Talybronx residents of M8 will know where that came from) and you will find yourself looking at a map of my rough location about this world.

Alas, must toddle off now, apparently there are some Wats around here that I "really must" see...

P.S. oh and at the request of some of the more aged readers out there (Johnny) you will be happy to discover that a mojito is in fact a delicious beverage containing rum, soda, mint and lemon - it remained elusive but managed to find a substitute (in the many roguely titled cocktails such as Foo Girl and Blue Hawath - still have no idea what they were, but they came in pretty colours).