Taking the l o n g way home...

Hey Blogfans, how rocks life? So, I rather left you on a cliffhanger last time on my way to the city (town/street) of doom. Oh Katherine Katherine Katherine. But would you believe it this time when I saw Steve (grumpiest man alive) the mechanic he was actually able to hold a conversation without punctuating it with uncomprehensible grunts, he even smiled! Whether that had anything to do with the beer in his hand and giant wodge of cash I had just given him I wouldn't like to judge. And so 1 gearbox (possibly minus 5th gear) and 2 new tyres later ARNIE WAS BACK ON THE ROAD!!! Not wanting to miss the delights of Katherine I went to Woolies and bought some bread, apples and water (all the food groups represented there) and left. YEEHA!!!

The next 3 days pretty much went like this: drive, sleep, eat, sleep, drive, eat, drive, sleep, eat... Broome was some distance away, I was too lazy to put up the tent, there were no showers, you get the idea... I STANK!! And then when I got to Broome and ran into the camp bathroom for a shower imagine my delight as the electricity cut out. NNAAARRRRGGGHHHH! Spent 3 days chilling out on the beach of sunsetty delights and recovering from the road (and mourning the death of the kangeroos I roadkilled - what if they were the last remaining breeding pair in Australia??? Oh the guilt! Actually one so wasn't my fault, I slowed down to drive past it and it continued to run into the side of the car - stupid animal).

At this point I recruited some new drive companions in the form of Eric and Frank. Given that they were from Taiwan I suspect that these aren't their real names. I told them my name was Juanita Gonzales (ok I didn't cos I came up with the idea 2 weeks too late, but you get the idea). Alas with no money in our pockets it was drive time. Drive drive (camp in most fly infested place in world with resident enormous cow looking on) drive drive stop. Yes, STOP. FOR EVER. In the middle of NOWHERE (not really a surprise given that about 99% of WA is officially nowhere). Spent some time on the side of the road in 44 deg heat. That was nice. Chatted to a few miners on their way past who all wanted to help soooo much with the car situation by saying "hmmmmm, it's buggered mate". Thanks. Managed to hitch a tow from a lovely bearded man to the nearest roadhouse. And I thought Katherine was bad. Entertainment in this place involved cockroach contraception (it's less dodgy than it sounds, involves throwing rocks at the copulating little minxes), eating raw noodles, hats (see pic, dismayed face included) and time delay photos (100's in fact), because the bus was 4 HOURS late (Benno - no worries man, the bus is just a few minutes late dude!). I had to get the bus to Perth. THE BUS!!!! The indignity. Members of the public and all. Tch.

Yes boys and girls I'm back in Perth, oh city of all Perthliness. 4 days later and I'm back at work (I'm on the Northern Development Taskforce apparently). YAY!!!! Actual yay because I am BROKE (I hate that car, the car is the bain of my existence, never buy a car, car sucks, rrrrubbish). The 'keep Jo's belly and bum sizable fund' is now open, chose your avenue of donation here... Oh and join me in sorting out my life and directing me where I should go next on the poll over here----> pick the right answer please! On that note I think it's time I had a drink. a big juicy cold beer. Adios!

Photo's

Picture fans I have added some more pictures of the great road trip should you follow the link bizarrely titled Road Trip Pictures Part 2 (how do I come up with these things?) or if you're feeling super lazy click here...

Will update shortly (tomorrow prob) - currently in Hervey Bay en route to Brisbane, more details later, but it's nice and I'm still alive, just...

Gift of the Gibb a.k.a how to lose a car in 10 days

Guten Tag! So to bring you up to speed. Broome was bam-fan-tastic, many an evening spent on the beach watching the sunset (it's quite an event on the West coast apparently, duh) - see traditional photo... Carried out a casting for some new travel companions with my current co-conspirator Julia, and ended up with another swiss and german combination of boys, completely mad and insane boys at that, certainly keeping things interesting! So it was a quick fill of fuel and stock up of food (pasta sauce) in Broome and up the last bit of sealed road for 600+km's from Derby to the other end of the Gibb River Road - the outback adventure is underway! Whoop woo. First stop Windjana Gorge for a lovely walk in the searing heat alongside a lovely river that alas was unswimmable owing to certain inhabitants of the crocodile variety. Everywhere. Managed to obtain our first injury at this juncture, a spider bite - possibly life threatening there was no way of knowing (actually there is because 48hrs later I'm still here, just). Day 2 led us well up the garden path in search of another gorge, although still not having learnt my lesson we decided to trust the map, only to end up walking in stonking midday sun to a point 200m up a cliff face from a wee trickling stream. Slightly underwhelmed, especially as managed to stub my toe 52 times (nB thongs/flip-flops not ideal walking equipment). You probably wont believe this but the next place we went to that actually turned out to exist was, guess again, a GORGE!! Unprecedented. Much swimming in waterfall action before the sun set and pitched up camp under the stars and the moon with a mouldy bottle of wine (damn that fridge).

Next stop Mitchell Falls, ah hem... At this point Arnie let his personality be known, he drives like a kangeroo, boing boing boing, uh oh. Rolled up the Kalumbaru Rd (a side track off the Gibb, so as you can imagine it was a high quality piece of road engineering, judder judder) and into Drysdale Station where we leapt out the car and ran to the bar for a lovely cold beer with our man Hugh, oh joyous high spirits, for now: Arnie henceforth decided he was going no further and so pushed him into the campsite having made the decision that the best way to fix him would be to consume lots of beer. Genius, in the morning he started but we still spent much hands on hip time contemplating what was wrong and sadly had to abandon the Mitchell Falls and head back to the Gibb. On which road we had the ultimate pleasure of seeing someone else broken down (yippee)!

Just about rocked up to El Questro Station (not however before stalling the car in the middle of a croc infested river - aaaaarrrggh and they like Germans too, I'm travelling with the wrong people!!!) and shock horror made a mad dash for the cold beers! A few rounds later and I had fire coming out of my ass. Think that one needs a little explanation perhaps as may give the wrong impression... Being the invisible shy kinda person I am ended up in front of whole bar helping out for a 'rodeo demonstration' that somehow involved putting burning objects in close proximity to my most precious organs (mon derriere) and then having them extinguished by my man Buddy through use of whip (not sure exactly what rodeo that's from though)! Spent the days with much gorgeous Gorge action and swimming in waterfalls and dropping valuable items in rivers and stuff (whoops), it was totally awesome dawson wonderbra (some very very bad german there).

Aargh, sooo much stuff to write here... a few more gorges and we made it back onto real roads (country lanes) and got into Kununurra (which is apparently hard to say with a german accent, ha ha) to do some on the go repairs (blue tacking holes in fuel tanks, etc, shhhhh) before getting into Purnululu NP via 2 hours of bumpy winding track in the dark (ignoring all practical advise about driving at night) only to have to utter the immortal phrase "the bikes are gone" - yep road too bumpy for the poor blighters and they fell off somewhere on the way!! (found them in a crumpled heap on way back). Spent day wondering the Bungle Bungles (i.e. getting lost in them) and blitzed it outta WA into the Northen Territories (a new state, another world) to Katherine, around 2am and Arnie had had enough and completely kaputted on us. The transmission was blown so we had to do the final 200km's to Katherine with no gear other than 4th. Nnnnnaarrrrrgh!!!!! Finally arrived in Katherine, THE single worst place in the world around 5am and spent the day tracking down the most miserable monkey like mechanic in the world, Steve "it'll be ready tomorrow definitely" the Wrecker. I HATE him. Katherine sucks. nB new gearboxes apparently not that cheap, nnnnaaararrrrrrrggghhhhhh!!!

I'll leave the story at that for now as it just seems to go on and on and on and on...

Lessons of the week include:

1. Commonly used phrases whilst camping: "where is the...?"

2. make no unnecessary stops, do not turn off the engine unless entirely essential, and who needs 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th or reverse gear when there are boys to push?

3. NOTHING will beat a cold beer and NOTHING beyond the necessary should be done prior to consuming one (fixing car, putting up tent, showering, anything)

4. no matter how little drinking water available a waterfight is NEVER a waste

5. When asked what time it is, it is sufficient to reply "September"

6. I am not a mechanic, no matter how many times I say the word 'thingamyjig'. I can now test a spark plug to see if it works, it does. Bzzzzzzz...

7. Urban myth 'Pavarotti is dead' is true, in his place we ate a LOT of pasta and sauce. Too much some might say, not enough others (Benno) would say. I wouldn't complain if I didn't see pasta and sauce for a few days (hours).

9. Mika is the best. Night at the Roxbury most definitely not.

10. There really is nothing good to say about Katherine. Not one thing. Especially as I have to go back there...

broom Broome (bet I'm the first person to come up with that tagline...)

G'day blogfans! Here's update # 2 of le grande road trip... (and more photo's have been added to the road trip pictures album)

Things I've learnt so far:

1. It's not a good idea to count carriages of trains while allegedly in control of a moving vehicle, 1, 2, 3, 4, thud!... (in my defence it was a really REALLY big train) - don't panic Johnny, it was only a minor scratch and all concerns easily remedied by a glass of wine

2. WA is possibly the biggest place in the whole world. Why did no-one tell me this? (see picture below of the most boring bit of road ever, not even any roadkill to entertain self with)

3. The fridge will find it really hard to keep things cold when not switched on

4. The 'other right' is in fact also known as left (or "that way! that way!" accompanied by frantic pointing)

5. Tent pegs serve a valuable purpose and the tent will depart if not appropriately utilised in windy environs

6. I will never be rid of red dirt, no matter how much soap there is in the world. *I am as one with the dirt* (makes a good fake tan actually...)

7. km's of tedium can easily be alleviated by 'bush waving' and inventing innovative amendments to the traditional one handed salute acknowledgement of passing cars

8. Road trains are B.I.G.

Think I was in Exmouth when I left you last, went diving on the Ningaloo Reef for a day, which was great apart from the fact that everyone else seemed very keen to see their breakfasts again whilst I bounced around the boat trying to avoid their projections (nice), and saw a humpback whale on the way back (I'm very excited about this, though everyone else in the world seems to have seen a million of them already apparently). At Exmouth I traded in my Irish companion for some new travellers so it was 3 fearless girls venturing into the unknown for the next leg of the journey... oh dear (much handbrake and direction related problems ensued!).

650km's later we arrived in Tom Price, which is actually a place named after a person rather than a person named after a place (can't think what his name was though, ha ha) who discovered something, possibly iron ore, possibly not, I wasn't paying attention at this point. Real purpose for this detour was to go to Karijini NP, where Arnie came into his own as we took on a few 'regular car owners' (tch 2wd scum) passengers to tour the gorges and spider walk the walls (go web go), I've said it before and I don't doubt that I'll say it again, it was gorgeous! Had a brilliant camp night out of delicious dinner, cheap wine, good company (see pic, l-r: Rachel, Julia, me, Mathius and Beat - say with weird Swiss accent and apparently it is a real name...) and a fantastic starry starry night (deffo an Oz top 10 moment) in the park and spent the next morning frolicking in waterfalls (pictured above), brilliant - this is what I go to school for.

Next it was on to the delights of Port Hedland. I am fast learning that any town that has the word 'Port' in it's title is never going to win a beauty competition (ref: Port Talbot). A big industrial town the jewel in the crown of WA's resources boom and full of miners. Mmmmm, my favourite... But would you believe it all the campsites were fully booked, WHO are these people who WANT to stay there?!? So we had to suffer the indignity of going to South Hedland and enjoying the delightful aromas of the town of roads that have no logic (it's the roads, not the navigators...). Alas it was with a tear in my eye I said farewell to the place and on the longest most boring bits of road in the world up to Broome, which is fan-dang-tastic. Would put a picture of the lovely sunset up here but three guesses, I forgot to put the batteries in the camera (nnarrrrgggh).

Right well, I'm off to the beach and to recruit some new companions for the next leg, I'm going outback baby! I'll be back on the radar in a bit, if not then here's some recommended films for nervous parents: Hostel, Open Water, Wolfe Creek...

Cruisin' the highways

I be a traveller again, in that I have actually moved! Far (protracted celebrations noises!). First up I'd like to introduce you to Arnie - the beast that is taking me where my every whim may lead me: isn't he beautiful? And boy is he packed to the rafters with everything you might possibly need to go camping (and the largest tent in the world destined to forever stay in it's bag as we can't work out how to put it up)!

So finally left my wee house on Monday (admittedly a leeeeettle late), picked up Ireland (Kildaire: big on horseracing and tractors apparently), filled up with petrol (man Arnie can drink) and true to form, got lost. Seems Perth had other ideas as we tried to leave as every road led into some winding suburb or scrubby field. Oh dear. Finally located the 'main' road (nB when reading this alter what a main road looks like in your mind to resemble a country lane) and destination north! First stop a cave in the middle of nowhere. Sure tested out Arnie's 4wd abilities on the road there, and he passed, yay! Just about made it into Cervantes in time to see the Pinnacles at sunset, lots of bizarre rocks jutting out of desert displaying the joy of erosion. First night with camping gear all seemed to go a-ok (if you ignore slight 'movement' of top layer in wind)...

Continued cruisin' up north to Kalbarri and passed first 1,000km marker at some point along here. The coast was absolutely awesome, all red rock and blue blue sea (call it the Turquoise Coast, couldn't possibly think why), and saw lots of gorges, which were, erm, gorgeous (I thought of that 'joke' about 300km away from them, but managed to hold out on it until got there - serious improvement), here's me banging my head on a rock, tch. Then further up to see the dawn of civilisation as we know it, or something resembling it anyway. *science nerd alert* These here are stromatolites which are able to survive in the unique hypersaline conditions and are tiny little bacterialites that produced the first oxygen billions of years ago (considering it takes 1 year to grow 0.4mm they had time on their side).

From the dawn of civilisation to life as we know it and up to Monkey Mia in the Shark Bay World Heritage Site (who knew) which took a 260km detour (naargh) to see DOPHLINS!!! Yay! These dudes were sooo cute (I'm currently in negotiations to have one as a pet). Next a serious day of driving (700km) lead to Exmouth, which is where I am now, will leave the update on this til I've done something here other than check my emails. There's lots and lots of stuff in between that has already managed to slip from my mind (in place of having a dream about playing the AFL Grand Final alongside my hero Ben Cousins) and there isn't enough space, but if you go here photo's of the road trip will appear as if from internet nowhere land... Ah well, I'm off to go stick on a snorkel and hopefully see some fishies (imagine I'd look a bit silly just wondering the streets wearing one...)

Tasmaniac

In 'the land under down under', as confirmed by location on the map. Hello. Feels like have been here for a year (insert less than nice words about credit card people here). First stop Hobart. Pictured here from halfway up Mt Wellington, and before you chastise me for only going halfway up allow me to make my defence on this matter. I. Just. Couldn't. Be. Bothered. And Converse don't make good walking shoes (yes mama, I know I have a perfectly good pair of shoes at home, but that's a long way away and I now momentarily admit I was wrong). Hung around here for a while (Hobart, not the mountain) trying to go cold turkey off ice coffees (not easy or at all successful, addicted I am). Got a campervan with Pierre and Anja to form 'Team Europe' travel around this magical and it has to be said slightly bizarrely populated island. Perhaps should have thought things through as Pierre turned out to have, erm, how to put it nicely, slightly missed a few stages in the evolution game (needless to say he doesn't have this site address, libel at will). Though did get to use my french (consisting of the phrases 'chocolat, frambroise, vanille', 'gwep' or however wasp is spelt in european, 'ou et la toilette' and 'du soleil'). Much better on the German front (just don't mention the war), I can now swear auf deutsche with perfect pronounciation! Years of language tuition at school put to good use I say.

Anyways, what did Team Europe do I hear you cry... Well we went to prison for crimes we didn't commit/a tour around the leftovers of Port Arthur which is where the really bad people got sent to do slave labour (Oz stereotype #56). Each visitor got matched up with a prisoner's story to follow round, my dude stole a lamb and got deported for life, though good on him tried to escape (note use of word 'tried' to denote failure). Watched the cricket that night - ENGLAND WON!!!! Ha! Stick that Australia! Next stop was Freycinet NP, which has apparently the 3rd best beach in the world (see above), but this is contestable. Have noticed that everywhere is Australia is the best this or highest that or oldest whatever (age being pretty limited to around 200 years or so), can't blame them for trying I suppose. Camped out in a car park near some fisherdudes who caught this cute little fellow! Bit more driving and sleeping by beaches and stuff (distressing life this) also went to Cradle Mountain - did have a picture but have inadvertantly deleted it and can't be arsed to reupload it - which we inadvertantly ended up climbing (probably should have paid the $2 for a map instead of just taking a picture of it) but was pretty damn awesome I think. Did lots and lots of other stuff but can't for the life of me remember what. Ah well. Oh and happy days, here's some evidence that not all Australian wildlife is of the genus 'splattus roadkillus'! Have also seen a teeny tiny snake, possibly a worm, and a possum and a moving rock (wombat - so cute, but deathly stupid).


Am heading off to a small island a little bit south of Tas tomorrow (with Team Europe slimmed down to just Team World War - ach I've gone and mentioned it now), so does that make it the land down under down under under down under? It's a puzzler... And in continuance of my Australian education, here's the national anthem to learn. By heart preferable. Though prob not really necessary given that England just won another cricket match (actually I won't say that because that match was ages away and have probably played again and lost by now so just sillyness, ah well too late now). If anyone was wondering, the reason why there's usually a bit of waffly rubbish at the bottom of all my posts, it's because I'm filling in time while the pictures upload, if this waffle isn't for you just stop reading about halfway through, actually if waffle isn't for you, this isn't the site for you. Ah well. YAY, is done. Have also put pictures on blog below for your viewing pleasure. I'll hop along now.

STREWTH!!! (Oz stereotype #3, thus far unfounded - it's not in predictive text!)

G'day how you going? (application of local lingo #1 = successful thus far). Sorry but no pictures of me at the moment because the cable thingy has somehow moved from being in my bag to not being in my bag and thus out of reach (not any more - UPDATED!). Many apologies photo fans. Though on that topic if it's photo's you're after allow me to refer you to my slightly geeky family photo competition site at www.snappercomp.blogspot.com - and this is where I ask my fanbase, that's you, to work for me by posting many a positive comment about MY piccies, I'm not condoning making disparaging remarks about works by other competitors, but should you make any then I'm not one stop the right to freedom of expression and suchlike.

Should you be a bizarre creature who has other things to do than indulge my lifestyle, then I'll just give a brief update as to my most recent of goings on. Left the 'cloudy mountains' behind and shuttled off down to the capital heartland of Cranberry, which really is in the middle of NOWHERE, but a lovely city it was. Even though my tour guide had absconded to the beach (grrrr) and the only other offer was of a slightly intimidating drunk (shocker) irish fellow who's advances and offers of a 'chaperone' I hastily turned down. Crowning glory moment would be taking a tour of the government building and chatting to the friendly security guards therein. Marvellous, learnt more in 45mins than ever did during public law semester at uni (though that could say more about my ability to handle the morning after a 'few' drinks than anything else...). 26th January saw the celebration of my (well European in general I think but that's not nearly self-serving enough for me) arrival in Australia with some big fireworks display over the lake which was pretty good (minus the crowd rousing clip of commentary from the Ashes, grrrr - though I can report that England beat Oz in the beach cricket match televised last night, and you're only as good as your last game so that speaks for itself).

Headed up to the (not very snowy) Snowy Mountains for a few days camping in los great outdoors. Tent still slightly suffering at the hands of it's better poled compadre's but rallied through the winds admirably (only jumped in the air a few times, aargh). I climbed to the top of Australia (the lumpy hill like thing in the middle of picture) and ate an apple. Which was nice. Then I took a day horse riding but was not allowed to wear cool akubra hat (Oz stereotype #27 - alive and well) for health and safety reasons, but a delicious lunch avec wine made up for that - luckily wasn't caught by police for riding a horse whilst under the influence (was only one glass, but hey, this is me), but then again this was a place where they have drive-thru liquor shops, read into that what you will... Bid farewell to the land of local radio which unashamedly played redneck country and western music ('the fellow wore a nice hat' my particular favourite lyric). Went to beach which was awesome in the white sand blue sea kind of way. In general lots of pretty scenery. Back to Squidney to fly to Tassie which is where I am currently stationed waiting for the bank to pull through for me, should they ever do so. Disparaging comments about Mastercard wholesomely welcomed.

Geography fans will be pleased to note that I have updated my map - (Baghdad where are you). Trivia fans: a koala bears fingerprints are virtually indistinguishable from a humans. The bank robbery? It was that fellow in the corner, yep the one munching on eucalyptus between naps. I'm going up a mountain now (wish they were flatter but what can you do)...