Cosmopolitan Ocean Greatness Generally

So where was I? To find the answer to that riddle you must first consider this: what city in Australia begins with the letter M, ends in an E and has the letters 'elbourn' located in any order in between. And there you have it. Here's a picture of it in all it's cosmopolitan glory. Now at this point I really have to apologise for not having much to say about it because it was a nice place and I had lots of fun and did many sightseeing things (all free, yay! and deeply educational, including a visit to the land of neighbours "everybody needs good neighbours" - and sorry Em but I didn't get the slip Boyd your phone number!). Chilled out in the best botanical garden in the whole entire world (another australian superlative that could well be overridden in minutes), forgot to go to the beach (how?), ate lovely food from the market, and came up with an additional lyric for Alanis "isn't it ironic" (won a free Great Ocean Road trip in pub quiz about 5 minutes after having booked and paid for said great ocean road trip, grrrr). I can sufficiently say now tht Melbourne is nice (and not very helpful at getting over an addiction to coffee).

Have now just arrived in Adelaide after spending 3 days touring the Great Ocean Road and the Grampians. I'd love to regale you as to what it was like but my glasses are broken so it was all a bit blurry (this is what I looked like. Loving the hair)... Nah it was really good, unfortunately in about 400 million days of sunshine we managed to get the one day of cloud and drizzle (hello England) so viewing was slightly restricted for the first day, but even so I now have about a million 'arty cloudy' photos. If you want more and better pics then follow the route en francais here (I am not responsible for the content of this website, blame it on the choclatiens!) We saw lots of rocks and stuff, plus the lighthouse from classic TV round the twist programme ("have you ever, ever felt like this, strange things happen, are you going round the twist?" - repeat 500 times and you have an idea how annoying my head is right now, and I'm hoping that those in the know will also get this stuck in their heads as some kind of payback). By the way 'we' is the international european touring squad that I joined and as a result have developed a brilliant trans-europe language, unfortunately now it means that no-one can understand me...

Running out of time so quick quicketty quick. Mountains were good - if not in fact mountains, saw first koalas which was awesome - they are very cute if not a little on the dozy side, celebrated by eating a caramelo koala (little chocolates, not an actual koala coated in caramel, the fur would probably get stuck in the teeth). Was nice. Now slowly heading off to the beach for another session with the frisbee (this time not in a gravel coated car-park, whoops), and if we're really lucky, and teacher lets us (we have done all our lines), a tennis ball too. For now though let me just say auf revoir et bis spater por favor fukel schnell!

We're going back to Brunie?! Please no!!! Ahhh, Burny not Brunie, well where's that then???

Ok, there's definitely a price to pay for cheap internet. I've written this already 3 times and it keeps on disappearing, so apologies if this is not as good as it should be but I'm losing my patience (and my iPod is in for repairs so not even Take That can save me now).

Anyways, spent the past week on Bruny Island (not Burnie, a very uninspiring industrial port on the north coast of Tas), which lets be honest doesn't feature heavily on many people's itinerary for worldwide travel being as it is just a little island more remote and with a more isolated community than that of 'mainland' Tassie (allow me to provide some perspective, the farm-boy hick that I had a brief conversation with when in the snowies - who also expressed a liking and enjoyment for rodeos - told me that it was a lovely place but the 'people are pretty interesting', all relative I guess). But I had a great time. In lieu of the promised heatwave we picked blackberries by the beach until red in the face (literally) and enjoyed much picnic type fun. As dark fell we went to the rookery to watch the nightly throng of fairy penguins who ritually stagger up the beach from the depths to moult, mate and sleep (ah the joys of the simple life). Sooooooo cute. Though not easy to photograph - I took reassurance when the ranger told me that the only people he ever saw get good shots turned out to be a film crew who also shot sections of the Planet Earth episode in the Antarctic!

The next day it was my turn to be waddling along away from the beach as it was time to take in a bushwalk, or five. I think the views were pretty nice, but i was busy concentrating on the groundin front of me as apparently tiger/brownsnakes are not that amenable to being trodden on. I was skipping as I came back to the beach and ran in the sea to cool off, and boy was it cool. Some might say icy, but I'm not one to judge. Got to do something I really wanted to by driving the km's along the empty beach at Cloudy Bay to our million dollar campsite (free) with awesome views. Although the worrying smoke that had filled the air all day suddenly burst into billowing clouds and flames leapt out from the forest - BUSHFIRE!!!! To add to the 'excitement' several thunderstorms raged overhead as the sun was setting, very very dramatic (needless to say my camera was out of batteries after the penguin blitz). Sadly the price to pay for remoteness is a sacrifice to access and firecrews were unable to contain the blaze which some think will last for months until they burn themselves out.

With that in mind it was essential to make the most of the rainforest there was, and surprise surprise, take a 'nature' walk through one. It seemed that the large majority of 'nature' present at that particular time consisted of hungry leeches eagerly wriggling about my ankles thirsty for my blood. Yum. Then went to Cape Bruny to survey the lighthouse and more splendid views. I didn't see them because a haze of smoke reduced visability to nothing more than a cloud, shame. Though you can see them here. After another walk it was definitely time to stay in a real campsite and indulge in the luxuries of shower, kitchen and oh oooh ooh a laundry!

That pretty much brings me up to present, I'm now in what might actually be considered a cosmopolitan city (I think I told an amusing anecdote about that in one of the posts that got deleted and I can't be bothered to re-write it, but with a little application of imagination I'm sure you can embellish an equally if not more amusing cosmopolitan city related anecdote - do share it with the world if you do) and am deciding between fuelling my addiction to iced coffees or going cold turkey, is proving troublesome.

Tasmaniac

In 'the land under down under', as confirmed by location on the map. Hello. Feels like have been here for a year (insert less than nice words about credit card people here). First stop Hobart. Pictured here from halfway up Mt Wellington, and before you chastise me for only going halfway up allow me to make my defence on this matter. I. Just. Couldn't. Be. Bothered. And Converse don't make good walking shoes (yes mama, I know I have a perfectly good pair of shoes at home, but that's a long way away and I now momentarily admit I was wrong). Hung around here for a while (Hobart, not the mountain) trying to go cold turkey off ice coffees (not easy or at all successful, addicted I am). Got a campervan with Pierre and Anja to form 'Team Europe' travel around this magical and it has to be said slightly bizarrely populated island. Perhaps should have thought things through as Pierre turned out to have, erm, how to put it nicely, slightly missed a few stages in the evolution game (needless to say he doesn't have this site address, libel at will). Though did get to use my french (consisting of the phrases 'chocolat, frambroise, vanille', 'gwep' or however wasp is spelt in european, 'ou et la toilette' and 'du soleil'). Much better on the German front (just don't mention the war), I can now swear auf deutsche with perfect pronounciation! Years of language tuition at school put to good use I say.

Anyways, what did Team Europe do I hear you cry... Well we went to prison for crimes we didn't commit/a tour around the leftovers of Port Arthur which is where the really bad people got sent to do slave labour (Oz stereotype #56). Each visitor got matched up with a prisoner's story to follow round, my dude stole a lamb and got deported for life, though good on him tried to escape (note use of word 'tried' to denote failure). Watched the cricket that night - ENGLAND WON!!!! Ha! Stick that Australia! Next stop was Freycinet NP, which has apparently the 3rd best beach in the world (see above), but this is contestable. Have noticed that everywhere is Australia is the best this or highest that or oldest whatever (age being pretty limited to around 200 years or so), can't blame them for trying I suppose. Camped out in a car park near some fisherdudes who caught this cute little fellow! Bit more driving and sleeping by beaches and stuff (distressing life this) also went to Cradle Mountain - did have a picture but have inadvertantly deleted it and can't be arsed to reupload it - which we inadvertantly ended up climbing (probably should have paid the $2 for a map instead of just taking a picture of it) but was pretty damn awesome I think. Did lots and lots of other stuff but can't for the life of me remember what. Ah well. Oh and happy days, here's some evidence that not all Australian wildlife is of the genus 'splattus roadkillus'! Have also seen a teeny tiny snake, possibly a worm, and a possum and a moving rock (wombat - so cute, but deathly stupid).


Am heading off to a small island a little bit south of Tas tomorrow (with Team Europe slimmed down to just Team World War - ach I've gone and mentioned it now), so does that make it the land down under down under under down under? It's a puzzler... And in continuance of my Australian education, here's the national anthem to learn. By heart preferable. Though prob not really necessary given that England just won another cricket match (actually I won't say that because that match was ages away and have probably played again and lost by now so just sillyness, ah well too late now). If anyone was wondering, the reason why there's usually a bit of waffly rubbish at the bottom of all my posts, it's because I'm filling in time while the pictures upload, if this waffle isn't for you just stop reading about halfway through, actually if waffle isn't for you, this isn't the site for you. Ah well. YAY, is done. Have also put pictures on blog below for your viewing pleasure. I'll hop along now.

STREWTH!!! (Oz stereotype #3, thus far unfounded - it's not in predictive text!)

G'day how you going? (application of local lingo #1 = successful thus far). Sorry but no pictures of me at the moment because the cable thingy has somehow moved from being in my bag to not being in my bag and thus out of reach (not any more - UPDATED!). Many apologies photo fans. Though on that topic if it's photo's you're after allow me to refer you to my slightly geeky family photo competition site at www.snappercomp.blogspot.com - and this is where I ask my fanbase, that's you, to work for me by posting many a positive comment about MY piccies, I'm not condoning making disparaging remarks about works by other competitors, but should you make any then I'm not one stop the right to freedom of expression and suchlike.

Should you be a bizarre creature who has other things to do than indulge my lifestyle, then I'll just give a brief update as to my most recent of goings on. Left the 'cloudy mountains' behind and shuttled off down to the capital heartland of Cranberry, which really is in the middle of NOWHERE, but a lovely city it was. Even though my tour guide had absconded to the beach (grrrr) and the only other offer was of a slightly intimidating drunk (shocker) irish fellow who's advances and offers of a 'chaperone' I hastily turned down. Crowning glory moment would be taking a tour of the government building and chatting to the friendly security guards therein. Marvellous, learnt more in 45mins than ever did during public law semester at uni (though that could say more about my ability to handle the morning after a 'few' drinks than anything else...). 26th January saw the celebration of my (well European in general I think but that's not nearly self-serving enough for me) arrival in Australia with some big fireworks display over the lake which was pretty good (minus the crowd rousing clip of commentary from the Ashes, grrrr - though I can report that England beat Oz in the beach cricket match televised last night, and you're only as good as your last game so that speaks for itself).

Headed up to the (not very snowy) Snowy Mountains for a few days camping in los great outdoors. Tent still slightly suffering at the hands of it's better poled compadre's but rallied through the winds admirably (only jumped in the air a few times, aargh). I climbed to the top of Australia (the lumpy hill like thing in the middle of picture) and ate an apple. Which was nice. Then I took a day horse riding but was not allowed to wear cool akubra hat (Oz stereotype #27 - alive and well) for health and safety reasons, but a delicious lunch avec wine made up for that - luckily wasn't caught by police for riding a horse whilst under the influence (was only one glass, but hey, this is me), but then again this was a place where they have drive-thru liquor shops, read into that what you will... Bid farewell to the land of local radio which unashamedly played redneck country and western music ('the fellow wore a nice hat' my particular favourite lyric). Went to beach which was awesome in the white sand blue sea kind of way. In general lots of pretty scenery. Back to Squidney to fly to Tassie which is where I am currently stationed waiting for the bank to pull through for me, should they ever do so. Disparaging comments about Mastercard wholesomely welcomed.

Geography fans will be pleased to note that I have updated my map - (Baghdad where are you). Trivia fans: a koala bears fingerprints are virtually indistinguishable from a humans. The bank robbery? It was that fellow in the corner, yep the one munching on eucalyptus between naps. I'm going up a mountain now (wish they were flatter but what can you do)...

OZ jus' cannea believe it

Crikey (Oz stereotype #49), THEY LET ME IN!!!!! Underwent a mild bout of panic at immigration when was told to "just step this way please..." Aaaaaaaaarrrrrggh! Fortunately just some 'routine' thingymcjiggy that they had to do. Made it past that hurdle only to be confronted with quarantine. Apparently this wasn't the time to be making flippant remarks about bullfrogs and the like. Even my best "I've been on a plane for hours and am really tired but think you're the most amazing person I've ever met" smile didn't allow me to queue jump the hoards of Thai's who were under the impression their shoes were poisonous (still don't really understand what was going on there), and all because I picked up a few shells on the beach in Thailand.

Anyways, a quick hop on the bus and I was in Squidney baby! (pic below

= Oz stereotype #5) were it not dark I would say that the sun was shining gloriously. It still is, yayayayay! Awoke the next morning full of life (it was afternoon) and went for a little explore. I pootled around the Squidney Aquarium with the duck billed platypusses (seen above, Oz stereotype #167), scary sharks, penguins and educational lessons (the difference between a croc and a 'gator is their teeth, when jaw shut croc shows both upper and lower teeth - I'm writing this trivia here so I don't forget it), and NEMO and friends!!!! It's pretty expensive here so don't judge me for being boring but it was free so I went to the National Maritime Museum and learnt all about ships of yore (and snuck into the pirates exhibit yo ho ho), also went to the IMAX movies for some 3D fun. Lots of other wondering around the place, sitting in people's chairs (who is this Macquirie dude that everything is named after? Google it for me someone will you) and looking at pictures (art galleries = free, yay, art gallery cafe = deffo NOT free, yikes). Pootled over to Manly on the ferry (young children came of use here when big wave threatened to splash me but being the kind person I am I said that young kiddo could stand in front of me so she got soaked instead, hahahahaaaaaaa) wondered around (walking = free, new pair of shoes = not so cheap, subsequent blisters = less amusing) and ate lovely fish n' chips on beach (preying seagulls at no extra cost). Went over to Bondi (pictured here, Oz stereotype #18) but all the surfers there were rubbish (read: not good looking enough) so wondered along the coast over rocks and through yonder whatevers and stuff for rest of day.

Aha, just realised I forgot to mention the exact reason why everything I did had to be on the cheap side of cheap. I lost my wallet. Thought it could have been stolen. Reported said loss to police. Cancelled all my cards. Went to sleep. Woke up next morning to message from police "wallet has been handed in", friendly dude didn't even take the cash out of it. Now have wallet complete with cards that don't work cos I cancelled them. Grrrrrr. Got replacement 'emergency' credit card at bargain basement price (ouch) that was such an 'emergency' it took about 5 years for it to get to me. Alas I'm not bitter. Much.

Well once all that palarva was sorted out I have finally made it out of Squidney (repetition of cute misspelling of name in hope that it catches on) and went up to yonder Blue Mountains avec huge car and tent with hideously bent poles that make tent laughing stock of campsite, it is being seriously bullied. Well here's a picture of the 'three sisters' but don't let that fool you into thinking that the view was nice fort he whole 2 hour walk that I did, oh nononono. Lots of clouds and not a lot of Blue or indeed Mountain seen at all (as seen on right of screen, behind perplexing image of myself), but fortunately after a handy application of Take That (have a little patieaaaaaaance) and Japanese tour group camaeraderie through the fog the clouds parted and

this vista was bestowed upon me, bet The Darkness never had this trouble (look up your MTV trivia). Now just driving around for a few days, will obviously keep you updated as to my whereabouts, but must go because this country is veeeerrrrry B.I.G. But not in the Tom Hanks way.

Beach Life

'ello blogfans, belated Happy New Year to y'all,


You'll never EVER guess where I am now, Thailand, again. It's still pretty nice, if you like that kind of thing. Obviously lying on a beach all day isn't really my cup of tea but sometimes sacrifices have to be made in the name of travel. (fire poi man below, inexplicable candle-eater man not pictured)

I think I do have to take the opportunity to publically voice a note of thanks to my beyond brilliance family for having me home for a wonderful Christmas (and 3 month run up to said day), I thoroughly commend their airport taxi service, the room not too shabby (could do with being a bit tidier mind) and the food (puds in particular) second to none (except - in a hushed voice - perhaps the food here, GIANT prawns, yum yum). I had a super time and molefo recommend it to anyone.


Well quick update on what I've done since leaving the home of all wonder, hopped back onto plane to Singapore to watch Pirates of the Carribean (I didn't fully understand what was going on mind), multiple episodes of Kath & Kim (revising for my next port of arrival) and other such funk. Quick footed it up to Bangkok and then down to sea sea sea. First stop Ko Lanta which weren't too bad, though pales in comparison to Ko Phi Phi (current home), especially as have gone posh (oh the benefit of having a partner in crime to share costs with). Has been a wee bit cloudy mind, but obviously, being british and all, first day sun came out got sunburnt, duh. Went on pilgrimmage day trip to mini Ko Phi Phi which is where The Beach was filmed, very nice but a bit crowded - think it would be worth a swedish shark attack/episode of craziness/scary gun-toting drug farmers to protect said haven (read the book). Here is shot of me pretending to be Leo DiCap, think I carry it off rather well... Also got to go to another beach a.k.a. paradise but could only stay for an hour, despite pleading with the boat man (why couldn't it break down again there?!?).

Ach, must skiadaddle, big coconut pancake and fruit shake is beckoning me, but will leave you with this:


A priest, a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar, the barman says "is this some kind of joke?"

Ramsbury-itis: it's catching!!

Have you got it?

Not wanting people to get withdrawal symptoms from my lack of posting on here I have suspended my holiday from being on holiday briefly to write this. Aargh, how did it get to be 12 o'clock already and am still in Pj's, yay?! Despite that obvious joy of being at home (this is a picture taken from my bedroom window - awww, isn't it quaint) I think I prefer being on actual holiday to being on holiday from being on holiday; it really is quite chilly here, white fingers all over the shop, and shoes? weird concept not having a sole held to your foot by a single strap but a whole over-the-foot ensemble, laces-'n-all shoe. The days last for about a minute of glorious sunshine (gloomy rays peeking through big fat clouds, and now it's just started to rain) before it's night again and the prices are real, no haggling (ahhhhh) and no dividing by obscene exchange rates (eek, maths) to come out with a bargain price. If anyone's feeling sympathy for me at this point (doubtful) let me leave you just one piece of advice - TIP WAITRESSES (i.e. me), and if you're going to, make it more than 5p. Purrrleease.

But am I complaining, no no no, because look what I got to eat the other day (not a noodle in sight), and I fully intend to have many many more (need an insulating barrier of blubber to keep out the arctic chill, the wind is literally howling now) and am fully updated on the past season of the OC, but don't talk to me about Lost because I'm still only halfway through the first series (though guessing that as there are many more they haven't yet made it off that weird island).

Have done a mini tour of England (mainly of h&m and topshop branches) since my arrival, gracing the handsome shores of Cardiff (I've lived there for 3 YEARS and still, yes you guessed it, I got lost), Oxford (p-osh), Newcastle (sadly didn't bump into Jonny W, maybe next time), London (where I took up my new career as a political correspondent outside the Houses of Parliament or at least photographed myself doing such, gaining me somewhat dirty looks from the actual political correspondents outside the Houses of Parliament) and, my personal high point, Swindon, oh sweet Swindon. Not to forget the illustrious mayoral/Miss UK/random 'Boro footballer/Harry Potter switching on of the Christmas lights and enjoying some of what corporate hospitality had to offer (smoked salmon galore!) whilst greeting my fans amidst mild terror at Professor Snape (lookalike, or was he?) at Stockton.

Well word on the street is that some religious chaps birthday is just 3 weeks around the corner and Father Christmas needs some help buying all those presents for the good boys and girls of the world (and coal for the bad ones) so I've got a visit to Reading ahead of me - must remember to get dressed properly before I go. I'll just leave you with a lovely wintery sunset shot, beat that Johnny!